Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
