I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
