If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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