I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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