If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
MIDGETS
????
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
