How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
