My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
