GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
