i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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