Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
