There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
