so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
