2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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