I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
