Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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