Princesses don't give blow jobs
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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