R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
