Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
