I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
