mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
