By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
