I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
