Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
