if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
