his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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