im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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