dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
