Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm at about main and main street
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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