That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
