If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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