Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
