Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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