You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just invented taco cereal.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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