you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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