I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
