dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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