Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
