my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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