Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
