i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
