I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
