You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
