dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
