You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
