Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he thought i was a dude.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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