I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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