I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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