I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
