ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
