I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I skipped work to stalk him.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
