It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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