epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
