I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
