i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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