Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
