Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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