You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
