Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
