my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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