The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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