Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
