I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
