Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want her autograph on my taint
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize