no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
