There is no way he is gay with that hair.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
