Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
