Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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