And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
