wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
