his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
