So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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