I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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