my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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