I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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