wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
