Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
