I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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