hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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